Well, I'm starting again. It's been a while and right now I really feel the need to get back to writing.
On December 4th, 2012 (at 38weeks) after a few hours of labor our 5th child, Emmett, was born at 12:49am. He was 7lb 3oz and 19" long. Within a few seconds of delivery they took him from me and within 4 hours they were taking him to Primary Children's Hospital for breathing problems. My husband went with them in the ambulance and was there for about 13 hours before I could get the doctor to release me to get over there to be with them.
It turned out little Emmett didn't have surfactant in his lungs so they didn't want to work right. Then it turned out that he got a form of pneumonia on top of that. Then they did a heart echo an found that he had PPHN on top of that which was making it even harder to breathe. Every day for 2 weeks (so far) I've been driving the 45 min drive to the hospital in the morning and then driving back home to be with the other kids. Our neighbors have been amazing through it all. They've watched our kids, brought us meals, and given us any support we've needed. It's tough not having family close, but its great having awesome neighbors.
I haven't wanted to run more in the past year as I have in the past two weeks. It sucks having to recover from delivery and a uterine infection and not being able to run to relieve all the stress from this experience.
Right now, while I sit in the hospital with my boy in my arms and listening to the nurses talk and the bells ding, I dream about running outside in the cold as fast as I can to free myself from the stress.
Emmett is doing better. His oxygen needs are minimal, his last heart echo looked good (the PPHN might be gone), and now they're keeping him here another week to make sure he's feeding well. I've been pumping every day and our freezer is stocked full of milk for when he gets home.
He's such an adorable boy. I miss him so much, even when he's here in my arms. I just want to take him home so we can be together as a family. I'm sure the nurses think I'm nuts bawling at the drop of a hat, but I feel like my limit has been reached and I need to let it all out.
I NEED TO RUN!!!